


Trust is a Choice Not a Feeling

by paintbrushflowers



Series: Flowers' Hubert Week 2020 [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Day 4 Prompt: Repression, During TWSITD war, Gen, Hubert Week 2020, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, No Beta, Panic Attack, Post-War, used archive warning just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintbrushflowers/pseuds/paintbrushflowers
Summary: Everyone has their limits, even Hubert.He panics after a nightmare, and Ferdinand tries to help.Hubert Week 2020Day 4 Prompt: Bitter/Repression
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir & Hubert von Vestra
Series: Flowers' Hubert Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1961842
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12
Collections: Hubert Week 2020





	Trust is a Choice Not a Feeling

Hubert was tactful by nature. One must be when helping Lady Edelgard rise to the throne and start a war. One must be when holding the titles of Marquis and Minister of Imperial Affairs. One must be when fighting a second war against Those Who Slither in the Dark even if it was benighted to the people of Fódlan. 

Though he often appeared as her Majesty’s spindly shadow, staring at foes with eyes like Mire, he was still human, and so he had his limits. The past week had led to him teetering precariously close to the edge of breaking. A lack of sleep and food. Shutting himself away in his office. Unusually unsettling nightmares. More ominous intel. More codes and ciphers. More dead ends... sometimes literally.

Ferdinand and Hubert had been working together another late night, like two wyverns too restless in the shadows on a hunt for prey. As the night progressed, they had moved from the abandoned Council Room, to Ferdinand’s office, to Hubert’s office. Ferdinand had suggested they work together after they had both spoken over tea of the copious amount of work they had procured recently. They both stated it was a good idea to have each other’s opinions on matters, but they had also both silently thought it comforting to be in the presence of each other in such a fraught time. Though Hubert would not admit it, Ferdinand had somehow become his best friend. Sometimes he was shocked that someone who only a few years ago had been such an obnoxious, absurd noble that perhaps bordered on sedition would become someone he so deeply respected and admired and that he was happy to see thrive as the Prime Minister. 

Through the night they lived on tea and coffee as the lanterns burned over their work. Ferdinand scoured through reports and pamphlets and memorandums in preparation for his manifesto on education. Hubert was meticulously breaking a set of ciphers from some new intel he’d received in the old Gloucester territory. Occasionally Hubert would complain about being stuck on some part of the cipher or Ferdinand would read something to get Hubert’s opinion. A few times an argument would arise over a policy or strategy, but there were also many moments Hubert would simply agree or Ferdinand would say something optimistic about Hubert’s code breaking progress.

Eventually the room became dark as the lanterns had run out of oil when no one came to tend to them and the towering windows behind Hubert’s desk fell short on a promise of light as it only offered a dim glow of the tiny sliver of moon. They’d both passed out at some point; Hubert lay on a couch on the left side of his office with a stack of ciphered papers on his chest. Ferdinand had settled for resting against the side of a plush chair where he was surrounded by papers; he still held a quill in one of his hands.

As the night continued, the shadows cast against Ferdinand suddenly moved.

A creek came from somewhere in the room.

Mumbling and muffled struggling.

A clamor of movement.

Hubert startled awake with a gasp.

He bolted up, covered in sweat. He looked around, but his burning eyes struggled to adapt to the dim shadows. He felt a hand clasp his shoulder far too tightly. His eyes finally started adjusting and he saw a blurry figure standing over him. No, no- _The Agarthans were back_. Flames, they’d gotten into the Palace. He had to find Lady Edelgard and Ferdinand immediately.

Though he was trembling, he grabbed the wrist of whomever was attacking him and flung them to the floor. They snarled and hissed at him. He was sure dark spikes would reach for him at any moment if he didn’t hurry. He clutched his hands around his attacker’s neck which only let out more choking gurgles. He felt dark magic coursing through him as his hands lit up.

“Hu-bert-” That didn’t sound right. That sounded nothing like the distinctly smooth Agarthan accent.

Suddenly his attacker had far more strength and wrenched his hands away. He felt himself lurch back. Glass and metal clattered on his desk as he was pinned against the side of it. His body writhed and trembled as he struggled to escape the grasp, but it was all in vain.

“Stop!” was all he heard above the roar of blood in his ears.

“Never! You’ll become dust!” he spat. “There will be no mercy!”

“Hubert! Please calm down! It’s me!” Suddenly he recognized the voice. He blinked until his vision cleared. Auburn hair tickled his face as Ferdinand looked down at him. “It’s alright! It’s alright!” Ferdinand reassured. Panic mirrored in his golden eyes how Hubert felt.

“Ferd...Ferdinand.” 

“Yes, it’s just me!” Ferdinand let him go.

“I’m- I’m sorry. I did not mean to-” He could still feel the Miasma crackling in his hands that he was about to unleash on Ferdinand’s throat. He tried to catch his breath, but it wasn’t working. His lungs ached and his chest burned. He’d almost killed Ferdinand. _He’d almost killed Ferdinand._ He took in a few sharp gasps for air as he felt the panic coursing through him only got worse.

Ferdinand wrapped his arms around him. Hubert would normally shove him away at such gestures, but now, he did not object. He sank into Ferdinand’s embrace. 

“This war is eating me alive,” Hubert couldn’t stop the words from gurgling out of his throat. “I’m _sorry_.”

Ferdinand tightened his grip around him. “I know you would never hurt me. I’m sorry I scared you.”

Hubert buried his face into his chest, unaware of the tears that spilled from his eyes. Every time he’d slept the past few weeks, he dreamt of Arundel and the Agarthans forcing him to kill everyone whom he loved. The Black Eagles Strike Force, his battalion, his spies...Their screams echoed around him. Their sticky blood coating his clothes. Lady Edelgard’s cold eyes going blank. Ferdinand’s- No, now he had almost _actually_ killed Ferdinand. Hubert’s blood went cold. It was too real now.

And wars did not wait for the weak. So many spies were turning up dead and secret allies were suddenly going missing. Every time he thought he was a step ahead he found he was only behind. At times it just felt hopeless. All of it had augmented too much, and he found himself having sudden bouts of panic. Luckily, he's always been in his office when they occurred and could lock his door for no one to see him in such a horrible composure. But now Ferdinand was witnessing it. The whole concept made him want to vomit.

But he couldn’t gather enough strength to shove Ferdinand’s embrace away. Something was so...comforting about being enveloped by a friend’s arms, his steady breathing reminding Hubert to follow suite.

“Please just- _breathe_ Hubert. I am alright; I know you meant no harm... Oh, flames! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have woken you from your nightmare like that. You- you just seemed so terrified. You were shouting in your sleep, and I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t just watch you suffer! But- You’re safe! There’s no Agarthans around.”

Hubert suddenly realized that might not be true. He yanked away from Ferdinand far enough to look at his golden colored eyes. “ _Kermes_.”

“ _Ross_ ,” Ferdinand frowned and replied back with his own safe word. “There’s no shapeshifting Agarthans, no spies or assassins. You truly are safe, Hubert.” He clasped Hubert’s hands in his own. “Please, there is n-”

**_“-unning into you in the capital like this…I have to say, it's almost sentimental.”_ **

Hubert’s mind roared as it suddenly clamored with noise and double vision. He could feel the solid wood of his desk press against his back, but he saw a muddy battlefield stretch before him. Loud cries of soldiers and horses and the clang of swords and thunder of magic bombarded him. He inhaled sharply only to gag at the sudden metallic taste of blood and sharp diesel smell of dark magic. 

A bloodied and battered Ferdinand stood in front of him. His armor was dented and uniform torn. Hubert blinked and somehow, he also saw Ferdinand beside him in his office. There wasn’t a single scratch on him.

**_“Hubert, she must-”_ **

“-ou must understand. I had to wake you when I heard you shouting abou-”

**_“-really think you can make her?”_ **

**_“It does not matter what I think. Those are my orders.”_ **

**_A flash of dark spikes._ **

**_A scream._ **

**_Blood spattered on his face as he stared down at Ferdinand's limp body in the mud._ **

Hubert yanked his hands away from Ferdinand’s so hard he fell back against the floor of his office. He felt dark magic beginning to build in his hands as he tore away, and his ears rang from the sudden silence of just his office. He inhaled deeply through his nose. What _was_ that?

Ferdinand’s brows furrowed as he reached towards him with wide eyes. “Hubert-”

“ _Stay back._ ”

For once, Ferdinand obliged. A look of familiarity and realization flashed over his expression before it was replaced with sympathy.

Revulsion made Hubert’s skin crawl. He quickly stood and smoothed the wrinkles from his black coat, but he didn’t dare look down at his hands. He was afraid he’d find blood. “I don’t need your pity.” He looked down at Ferdinand. “Perhaps I lost my composure, but I am _fine_.”

Ferdinand stood. “Hu-”

“If you wish to discuss the trading correspondence to the connection in Dagda, I would oblige in the morning before the council meeting. The same for the manifesto.”

“Hub-”

“I trust you will forget the events of tonig-”

“Hubert!” Ferdinand shook his head. “Stop dismissing the torture you are inflicting upon yourself! Do you think I do not notice the bouts of days you go without sleeping? The uncertainty that slips from your facade in private? Because I do. You need people, Hubert. But if you do not come to me or Edelgard or whomever you wish to share your burdens with, you will suffer. One day you’ll explode. Don’t you dare write me off as you stand before me quivering and frightened, yet insisting you are fine! If you wish to not be a burden, then trust me with your worries! You- you are insufferable!”

Hubert blinked. He didn’t quite know what to say. He found himself just staring at Ferdinand, which probably looked ridiculous. The fact that he was still trembling and hadn’t caught his breath probably only made it worse.

“I do not mean to be insufferable.”

“Then sit.” Ferdinand offered his hand and gestured to the couch. “And trust me.”

Hubert hesitated, the events from before flashing in his mind. He didn’t deserve Ferdinand’s kindness, nor the trust he had in him. And frankly, he wasn’t sure he could return the trust. But the concept was a little alluring. He’d never allowed himself a true confidant before. But the feeling was beaten by the churning of distaste in his stomach. In concept it was agreeable to listen to the request, but in actuality it was repulsive.

But he found his hand entangled in Ferdinand’s. He forced his body to clasp his hand even though his bones objected, his heart screaming that it was too dangerous to expose such atrocities.

They relit the lanterns and sat on the couch, and he began to speak. Ferdinand sat silently as he gave his long preamble and a longer fumble of words as he explained his nightmares and the bouts of panic. Never once did Ferdinand look angry. He just rested a hand on Hubert’s shoulder and...listened.

Afterwards, Ferdinand told Hubert he suffered similar panic spells and nightmares, especially to do with the war. They confided in each other and then Ferdinand offered kind words and advice. His optimism and hope were like a shining beacon in such a dreary world.

Hubert would have never expected that exposing such a weakness in himself would only make him grow closer to a friend. It was as if a wall had crumbled and disappeared, the weight of which Hubert never realized had been so heavy until it was gone. Though the act of tearing it down was arduous and terrifying, it was worth it.

After they spoke, he found he was able to breathe far better.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know if I'll be able to do all the prompts because college, but glad I was able to do this one (even though it's late)!
> 
> I'm doing my best to improve my writing! Sorry for any mess ups!
> 
> Comments and kudos are very appreciated. <333


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